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Fund Fun

April 13, 2010

Here’s an idea we have: you give us money.  We’ll use this money in a plethora of environmentally unsound ways in an attempt to transport our bodies (and, thereby, our music) to other prisoner-reforming continents where we will perform for the locals and conjure in them a spirit of gusto that, if all goes according to play, will rouse them from their dogged, monotonous days and into a new romance with the wonderful world around them.  Along the way, our ragtag operation will (of course) need food, drink, and shelter, and cannot be expected to forgo fun or fun-making should such opportunities arise.  Therefor, additional funds will be necessary.  We do not expect these funds to arrive at our doorstep unencumbered of any responsibility on our part, though!  Far from it!  Instead, we hope to gather your funds and – much like your favorite publicly funded radio station – send you a token of our appreciation via postal mail.  There are several items that you can choose from, but we’d like to call your attention to a few of the newer additions to the bucket of goodwill we keep hidden in the garage.

By clicking on any of the images, you’ll be taken to another electronic portal whereby you can purchase these items at their full and extortionate price.  We make no great claims as to the longevity of the products, nor do we ensure that the purchase of said goods will yield positive results in your romantic exploits.  We do, however, maintain that the procurement of these items will ensure our journey to the southern hemisphere occurs with great fanfare and will imbue our exploits with a certain panache we Americans are so keenly recognized for.  It’s a you-do-your-part, we-do-our type thing.  Teamwork.  Unity.  Raise our glasses to the sky!  The goods are as follows:

This fabulous shirt utilizes text and an image from an illustrated 19th century book on the anatomy of (especially violent) death.

This shirt depicts a moment of impending rape and destruction as will be commited by an ape beast taken from a famed Edgar Allen Poe tale.

Stay warm on those brisk bonfire nights with this hood-less sweatshirt that prominently features Frans Masereel's visual expression of urban depression from the early 20th ccentury.

This is our new long-playing record + CD, dorks.

20 Comments leave one →
  1. Kevin permalink
    April 13, 2010 1:11 pm

    I ordered 3 of those items and recieved them yesterday (Yes!). I was pretty pumped.

    I didn’t know how brutal that gorilla shirt was until I saw it up close.

    I’m framing that old-lady poster.

    You boys have fun on tour now, ya’ hear?

    Funding sucks….

  2. Kevin permalink
    April 13, 2010 1:17 pm

    Sorry to keep blowing up your shit with useless comments, but as an anatomy student I’m definitely fascinated with old anatomy textbooks…

    Question: How intense is that shit?

    Answer: Very

  3. Alexander permalink
    April 14, 2010 10:35 pm

    Shameless…

  4. Austin Z permalink
    April 14, 2010 10:51 pm

    Isn’t “that old-lady poster.” Al’s mom?
    Manners.

    I’m going to try to pull weight and help out you guys but no promises man.

  5. Fartknocker permalink
    April 15, 2010 12:05 am

    This made me hate Dangers that much more. Get off your high horse and fuck off, dickle head.

    • April 15, 2010 3:10 am

      Oh, Fartknocker…

      I don’t ride horses. Go vegan! Also, the picture is: my aunt, not: my mom. FTR.

      love,
      al

      • jthejoint permalink
        July 16, 2010 5:12 pm

        hey dangers,,do u still have the free downloads threw yer website…im no veghan,but hey fuck it if i cant ride a hourse ill wear a tall hat….

      • July 20, 2010 12:41 am

        go to our bandcamp site to do that. double click on the songs on the right side of this blog and you’ll get taken there. al

  6. Grafidiot permalink
    April 17, 2010 2:45 pm

    Sorry, that horse Is far too high to be
    knocked over with a paltry “fuck off” or crushing “dicklehead”, that being said all these songs seem to suggest killing oneself is the only answer.

  7. tabak permalink
    April 17, 2010 5:23 pm

    time for an intellectual e-battle to grow our e-wieners!!

    No ones forcing you to like this album, but a lot of people do. There are plenty of brilliant authors over the years that have used dark toned content in their literature to make the point. So if that’s your reason for not liking this album, make you sure you tell Edgar Allen Poe and Charles Bukowski to fuck off too.

    • Kevin permalink
      April 17, 2010 5:37 pm

      I agree.

      One of George Carlin’s greatest standup specials, “Life is Worth Losing”, is centered around the topic of suicide.

      There’s nothing at all in bad taste discussing the concept of suicide, it’s an inherently interesting subject.

      Furthermore, I haven’t listened to one song on that album that’s even suggested I blow my fucking head off. That’s Off With Their Heads’ job.

  8. tabak permalink
    April 18, 2010 1:10 am

    dude, Off With Their Heads is awesome

  9. April 20, 2010 6:03 am

    You guys fucking rule, but I don’t have to tell you that.
    Ordered some stuff two days ago, getting stoked to get it.

    Come to Utah sometime when money/time permits!
    It would be a highlight of my life.

    • April 23, 2010 7:58 am

      We played Provo once. It was a great experience. We’ll do our best to return as soon as possible. Thank you for the support, sir.

      yours,
      al

  10. April 20, 2010 10:25 pm

    by “seem” i meant they sometimes don’t depending on the circumstance, that being said i think the phenomenon of suicide in western culture is particularly underestimated and because of a wrecked history at the hands of a wicked church, has become something scary and taboo. I could go either way on it.

    • Austin permalink
      April 23, 2010 5:07 am

      I think the more important question is why didn’t this kid kill himself today?

      You don’t give a negative response, then when no one agrees with what you say go back and try to weasel-word your dumb post around to make it sound like you’re not such a bad guy.

      Just do everyone a favor and stop posting here, my brain and sperm count has dropped dramatically reading you try to justify not giving to a donation and seemingly trying to deface value on it by a very well though out “seem” assumption.

  11. April 24, 2010 1:18 am

    I’m not too concerned with you agreeing with me or not, especially when it is such a humorous topic. Apparently, typing doesn’t put across sarcasm very well, and i have already donated enough time and money to this band, Fuck it, me and teenager are out.

  12. Thomas permalink
    May 10, 2010 1:53 pm

    Hey guys.

    I was interested in purchasing the Dangers crewneck you have for sale but now the link is not working and it has been taken off of the Vitriol records bigcartel site.

    Is there anywhere else I can get it from?

    Or will you be bringing them on your upcoming Australian tour?

  13. liam permalink
    June 30, 2011 2:15 pm

    any crewnecks left anywhere?!?!

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